Smoking is GREAT!

Um... what did I just say? Sorry about that. That's a totally misleading title to this blog post. When I said "smoking," I didn't mean cigarettes, cigars, pipes, vapes, and the like. I meant smoking as in a method of cooking. No nicotine patches required, just wood chips and patience... although this can be quite an addictive habit!

🦃 Turkey vs. 🐖 Boston Butt: The Smoker’s Showdown

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the backyard arena! In the left corner, weighing in at a deceptively lean 16 pounds, the Turkey. Known for its dry personality and tendency to panic under pressure, this bird requires hours of therapy in the form of brining (dry only, please! I need to probably do a whole article on the benefits of dry brining, especially poultry for a juicy, not-dried-out poultry outcome — no foul fowl or fowl fouls, please!), butter massages (ok, I didn't actually do that for yesterday's bird), and constant reassurance that yes, it is the centerpiece of Thanksgiving (we have tended to start branching out of "typical" Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter meals, but come on, Turkey Day earned that nickname for a reason!). One wrong move and it turns into sawdust with drumsticks.

In the right corner, lumbering in at a marbled 8–10 pounds, the Boston Butt. Don’t let the name fool you — this cut is all shoulder, all swagger. It’s the heavyweight champion of low-and-slow cooking, forgiving mistakes like a benevolent uncle who’s seen it all. Too much smoke? Still delicious. Forgot to spritz? No problem. This pork practically wants to be smoked.

Round 1: Flavor Absorption

• Turkey: Absorbs smoke like a sponge, but only if you babysit it.

• Butt: Laughs at your wood choice and still tastes amazing.

Round 2: Cook Time

• Turkey: 3–4 hours if you’re lucky (yesterday's 16-pounder came in at 2.5 hours‼️ we'll get to the details in a bit), plus the stress of timing it with Aunt Linda’s arrival (note: I don't have an Aunt Linda, at least not that I know of, but it seems like a fitting name; my mom is actually named Linda, and unfortunately she didn't arrive yesterday, on purpose — she was just coming back from a Thanksgiving vacation and spent the day with her sister, my Aunt Peggy, in north-central Alabama, hours away from us down near the coast).

• Butt: 8–10 hours (yesterday was closer to 11), but it’s basically a set-it-and-forget-it marathon.

Round 3: Crowd Reaction

• Turkey: Polite applause, followed by whispered debates about dryness.

• Butt: Standing ovation, chants of “ONE MORE SLICE!” echo across the yard (note: we pull the pork butt, rather than slice it, so the chants aren't quite like that).

Verdict: The turkey may win on tradition, but the Boston Butt dominates on flavor, forgiveness, and fan loyalty. If this were fantasy football, the turkey is your risky boom-or-bust FLEX play, while the butt is your reliable RB1 grinding out points every week. (Note: my fave is the turkey... especially now that I've learned how to keep it juicy with a good dry brining!)

🔥 The Science of Smoke (Sort Of)

Now, let’s get nerdy for a second. Smoke isn’t just “meat perfume” wafting around your backyard — it's basically edible fog made of tiny flavor particles that cling to proteins and fats like needy fans at a boy band concert. Technically, you’re flavoring your food with controlled combustion. Sounds dangerous, tastes delicious.

Different woods bring different personalities to the party:

• Hickory: The linebacker of smoke woods — bold, aggressive, and guaranteed to tackle your taste buds.

• Apple: The sweet wide receiver — light, fruity, and perfect for turkeys that need a little charm.

• Pecan: The balanced quarterback — smooth, nutty, and capable of running the whole offense without breaking a sweat.

• Mesquite: The wildcard kicker — strong, unpredictable, and occasionally ruins Thanksgiving if you don’t watch the clock.

• Cherry: The diva of smoke woods — adds a rosy blush to your meat like it just got back from vacation, with a sweet, slightly tart flavor profile that makes turkeys strut and pork butts purr.

Think of smoke as seasoning that takes hours to apply. Salt works in seconds, pepper in minutes, but smoke? Smoke is the slow-burn hype man, building anticipation until your guests are drooling like Pavlov’s dogs. Yesterday's play: Apple and Cherry base (~50/50 mix), with a little hickory thrown on top. Why? We were going to be doing both Pork and Turkey in the same smoke, so we needed something that would complement both meats, while not overpowering the bird.

🛠️ Scenario Mapping (a.k.a. My All-Night Meat Vigil)

Smoking isn’t just cooking — it’s time management theater.  And much like theater, 1) you're not likely to have a perfect performance; and 2) you gotta be ready to pivot, roll with the punches, and perform on two broken legs. Yesterday’s performance went something like this:

• 7:00 PM: Smoker lit (ok, turned on... I have an electric smoker; don't judge, it's easy!), dialed in at 235°F. The stage is set, the wood is burning, and optimism is high. Don't forget to put water in the water tray — along with maybe some apple cider vinegar and perhaps a little cooking sherry.

• 7:30 PM: Boston Butt enters the ring. It’s a marathoner, settling in for the long haul.

• Midnight: Turkey joins the party. Smoker cranked to 275°F. I whisper encouragement: “See you at breakfast, bird.” Expectation: alarm set for 6 AM, wake to find things approaching readiness.

• 2:20 AM: Plot twist. The turkey decides it’s done early, like a student turning in the exam halfway through. Pulled, wrapped, and stashed in a 170°F oven while the butt keeps puffing away. Just in case there's any lingering uncooked turkey meat, this will get 'er done, and being fully wrapped in foil, should be low enough to avoid drying out the tender white meat. (Yes, I checked the other breast and both legs with an instant read meat thermometer... perhaps I should swap my dual wireless meat probe for a quad-probe model.)

• 2:30–6:00 AM: Me vs. sleep. Spoiler: sleep loses. I toss, I turn, I check temps like a paranoid parent monitoring a baby monitor. Somewhere in that timeframe I managed about an hour of broken sleep in two 30-minute stretches. This is going to be a long, long Thanksgiving day!

• 6:00 AM: Butt finally taps out, tender and triumphant. Wrapped, stashed in the cooler like a prizefighter resting after victory. It'll keep just fine there (lunch target: 1 PM).

• Morning encore: Turkey returns to the smoker at 150°F, just hanging out until the lunch crowd arrives. Because apparently, smoked poultry needs an encore performance. The 150 setting should keep the bird above the 140-degree danger zone while, hopefully, not drying anything out. (Spoiler alert: it worked!)

The moral of the story? Smoking meat is less “set it and forget it” and more “set it, obsess over it, lose sleep, and then brag about it.”

Here's a full visual timeline summary (for those of you who like pictures more than words):

Warning: prolonged exposure to smoked meats may cause spontaneous backyard parties.

🏁 The Finish Line: Where Meat Meets Meaning

So there you have it: smoking is great — but only when your lungs stay out of it and your taste buds stay in. The turkey was delicious, the Boston Butt was delicious, and everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner. We planned to put all the food on the kitchen table for serving, but it didn't fit; we overflowed onto the counter and the stove. But, hey, what am I complaining about? Too much food? No such thing! (Although perhaps my heart attack from almost five years ago now would disagree.) We enjoyed a delicious Thanksgiving dinner, lots of family and fun, a game, some laughter and play, and wonderful discussions on topics such as "I wonder how they make these fake leaf decorations?" to "AI in the Kitchen" to "how do we get compressed lint out of my phone's charging port?" to menopause (ew! - and why is it "menopause" and not "womenopause"?) and pretty much any- and every-thing in-between (and out-between, too). All-in-all, a wonderful Thanksgiving day (except for my Fantasy Football matchups... my players underperforming while my opponents are thriving!). Hope your Turkey (and Pig) day was as great as mine! To close, here's a few pics of the spread from yesterday:

The Setting

The Food

The Smoker

🔧🌡️🔥 The Equipment

If you're curious about my setup, I'm using:

• EAST OAK 30" Electric Smoker — generally, in practice, with a good wireless thermometer, the window is not really needed. In fact, it's usually not all that useful, as it gets covered with smoke and moisture and isn't all that easy to see through. Some will argue that electric isn't as nice as pellet or whatever, and probably they're right — but, hey, electric is so easy and I have yet to complain about the food that comes out of it, and you just have to plug it in, no charcoal or gas (yes, you do still have to do the prep of adding wood chips and the water in the tray). It does a good job of regulating the temp on its own, too. It's not super fancy or anything (no app or wifi connection), but it does a good job, I think (and I think most who have consumed its production would agree). I also bought the stand for it (brings the smoker grills, water tray, and wood container up a little higher for us old folk, and makes it easier to move around, too, since the wheels are nicer than the ones on the smoker itself) and the cover (probably unnecessary, but keeps the elements off when it's not in use). Aside: I should probably apply for an Amazon affiliate account — because apparently my smoker is working harder than I am! 😆
• Typhur Sync Gold Wireless WiFi Meat Dual Thermometer — great for keeping track of the meats you're smoking. Its initial estimate to completion is usually pretty wrong, but eventually it will get close. Note that the thermometers will NOT transmit through foil, but sometimes I'll leave it in there anyway so I can get a quick read on the temp when pulling back out of the cooler or whatever. It's nice that it transmits to the base which connects to wifi, so that you can keep track of it wherever you go. But recently I've been failing to get alerts on my phone; I might need to check that Android didn't silence those alerts from me somehow by reigning in permissions on "unused apps" (since I don't use the smoker every day, maybe it decided that the Typhur Sync app is "unused" and doesn't need any permissions).
• Alpha Grillers Meat Shredder Claws — yeah, not a necessity, but who doesn't want to feel like Wolverine while pulling the BBQ?
• Oklahoma Joe's® Disposable BBQ Gloves — keeps the hands clean AND unburnt while wrestling with hot, juicy things. When pulling meat from the grill, put the included cotton gloves on first, then the neoprene gloves over that. The cotton insulates your hands from the heat, while the neoprene keeps the cotton clean and keeps any hot juices from soaking through the cotton onto your tender skin (well, my skin seems tender, but then again, I'm probably just a wimp; hopefully your smoked meat is just as tender as your skin — no, hopefully it's more-so!).

My App Got Downloaded in Turkmenistan. Now What?

I didn’t think I’d be writing about Turkmenistan today, but here we are…

I built a dog whistle app. I expected a handful of downloads from fellow Americans with barky dogs and questionable ad tolerance. What I didn’t expect? A download from Turkmenistan. Yes, Turkmenistan. When I saw that in the play console, I didn't even know where Turkmenistan was (geography was never my strong suit... I still have to ask my wife how to get places around here where we've lived since 2008! Then again, I do work from home, so I never go anywhere...). If you want to know, here's a google map link to it. It's near all the other "stan" countries: Afghanistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Pakistan, Tajikistan, and Uzbekistan, if that helps you out. I wonder how many men are named "Stan" over there. Anyway, here's proof of the Turkmenistan download from the Play Console:

And, yes, Georgia is both a state in the US and a country in Eastern Europe or Western Asia (maybe Middle East? Possibly even Middle Earth?). And, yes, there's an install of my app there, too.

Anyway, there it was, staring back at me: one lonely install from halfway across the world (now it's two, since someone in Georgia downloaded it). My app had officially gone international (and, note: the installed audience is now 33% international traffic!). Forget Silicon Valley — I'm now operating in Ashgabat.

So anyway (why do I keep using that word? I've started two paragraphs in a row with it!), who's my Turkmen user? Let's call him Boris. Boris has a dog — maybe a Central Asian Shepherd, maybe a camel (I don’t judge; do camels hear as well as dogs? This study shows significant adaptation of the camelian ear canal for low frequency sounds... perhaps I should open up the frequency range of "My Dog Whistle" — maybe adding a "Camel Mode" for low frequency tones? . Or better yet, a full‑blown Camel SubWoofer app.!). Boris downloads my app, cranks the frequency dial, and suddenly his neighborhood is quieter. Or stranger. Or both.

It’s wild to think something I cobbled together with AI help and a stubborn streak (and a very grateful shout-out to my closed testing track team who volunteered to install my app on their phones for two weeks in order to facilitate my entry into the public domain of the Google Play Store!) is now running on a phone in Turkmenistan. My two cents of ad revenue suddenly feels like international commerce. I wonder: should I translate the app into Turkmen? Add a "bark translator" mode? Should I launch a "Camel Whisperer" edition, something that Boris could connect his phone to a giant bluetooth subwoofer to silence all the camels in a hundred square mile radius (wait, they probably use the metric system, so a 161 square kilometer radius)? Or maybe just sit back and enjoy the absurdity of being an international app developer, one install at a time.

Note: if you have an Android phone, and haven't installed My Dog Whistle yet, what are you waiting for? It's gone international... jump on the bandwagon (dog sled?) and don't get left behind!

Second note: Gemini tells me that the Turkmenistan install has a good possibility of being a bot, an app that just installed the app, tested it out, and then left, but who knows... I like the idea of Boris using My Dog Whistle to silence his Central Asian Shepherd named Stan when he gets too barky at the passing camels.

Thanks for reading my blog, and Happy Thanksgiving to you all! (Unless you’re Boris in Turkmenistan — in that case, Happy Thursday.)

My First Google Play Store App!

Recently I started on a journey... from the comfort of a chair in front of my computer desk. I have a dog - a cute "little" pup, 50+ pounds now (just over a year old), a mix of Weimaraner and Golden Doodle. She loves to run and play and chew everything around her. She is a sweet thing - doesn't even realize her size is potentially hazardous at times - and generally just enjoying life. She often spends time in the back yard , unfortunately a necessity while I'm at work, since she'd otherwise terrorize our cat - in the most loving, friendly way - and chew up everything in the living room. (Our cat is pretty old, almost 17 years, and, much like me, pretty cranky; she doesn't want to have to break in any new members of the family!)

cute "little" pup!

Anyway, our dog generally just runs around chewing up things and chasing dragonflies, but sometimes she wants to alert us to something - like the kids coming home from school. And, sure, one or two warning barks are not a problem, but she's started continuing that "warning" into the "nuisance barking" territory, continuing to bark until someone has responded. So, I was looking for a "dog whistle" app, something that can emit a high-pitched frequency tone to distract and interrupt her "nuisance barking." (Hoping to get this curbed before it becomes a real nuisance.) There are several apps for that on the Google Play Store, but they all either require payment or have ads - including video ads that play about the time you want to tap the "emit tone" button (and also play loudly since you have to have your volume up for the whistle tone to be of any use). Definitely NOT a good user experience.

So, I thought, "Hey, I'm a Software Engineer... let me do my thing!" And voila: My Dog Whistle - available on the google play store! (Unfortunately Android only for the moment.)

As a side note: the app was predominantly coded by AI. I was the designer, QA, etc., but almost all of the code was created by AI. As was that cute icon above, as well as the web page where the app "lives" (aside from the Google Play Store). Maybe I'll expand on this process in a future post, hoping not to give away too many secrets so that you go build your own! ha. According to the play store console, it's been installed in Turkmenistan of all places.

Why this? Because, unlike other dog whistle apps, this one doesn't do any full-screen video ads! It's ready to scream when you are. And, to boot, it has some really handy features, like an adjustable frequency (either in increments of 100 Hz, the default, or you can uncheck that and go in 1 Hz increments), selectable "push to whistle" vs "tap to toggle whistle on/off," and a quick "volume max/reset" icon that allows you to crank your phone's volume all the way up in a single tap, use the whistle, and then reset it back exactly where you had it in a single tap - no fiddling with the volume buttons on your phone, forgetting exactly where you had your volume set, or having to wait while you turn up the volume before you can use the whistle.

cute app icon, yeah?

And did I mention it has ZERO FULL SCREEN VIDEO ADS? On top of everything else, it was a fun foray into the realm of app development, and I have a few more ideas on the way. This one just happens to be first. So go on, download it, give it a try! Surprise your dog, annoy your kids, find out what your upper hearing range is (one friend downloaded and did that, determining exactly how high a frequency he can detect with his ears!), enjoy the ad-free experience (ok, it does have tiny banner ads at the bottom, and so far I've made a whopping two cents from this app!). Enjoy!

GeminAI ... in the Kitchen

Ever wondered what happens when you let an AI boss you around in the kitchen? Read on...

So the other day I was thinking, "what do I want to make for dinner?" My wife was going to be working aftercare at the preschool, so I figured I'd work on dinner while she worked on getting kids out the door. I knew we had something in the fridge, which turned out to be chicken thighs. I asked Alexa for a chicken thigh marinade, and the one she gave me included Worcestershire sauce. I went in search of the unpronounceable condiment (just kidding, I actually went to Worcester Polytechnic Institute in Worcester, MA for a year... I know how to pronounce it!), and couldn't find it, but ran across a "honey-garlic marinade" bottle in the pantry. Opened it, smelled it, and went with it. I also knew we had an onion on the counter and some green peppers in the fridge, and noticed a can of pineapple rings in the pantry as well, and though they would make a good addition to the chicken thighs that I planned to cook in the oven in a casserole dish. I started the marinating process: stab the thighs a bunch with a fork, put them in Ziplocs (we only had quart-sized, so it took two; I'd hoped for gallon size, but alas, none to be found), and went back to work.

After work, I was thinking about the cooking, and asked Gemini what temp and how long to cook chicken thighs (she suggested 25-30 min at 400), on a baking sheet. Wait, what? A baking sheet? I asked about the casserole dish, and she said, "no, you'd be braising the thighs then instead of roasting them." OK, Gemini, a baking dish. I mentioned the onions, peppers, and pineapple, and she said they would cook perfectly alongside the chicken on the baking sheet, just don't let the pineapple touch the chicken while cooking because it can give a bitter taste. She suggested tossing the veggies in a little oil with salt and pepper (I also added some garlic seasoning), and that it sounds like a good dish that would work well with rice - so I pulled out the rice cooker and got that started, too.

I also asked (toward the beginning) whether I should discard the marinade or pour it on the chicken (when I was thinking casserole dish) - she said we could boil it into a glaze if we wanted, so we did, with the expectation that we'll put it on the chicken thighs after about 15 minutes of roasting.

I asked about side dishes, maybe corn, and she said, no, not corn. And I asked about broccoli or a vegetable medley - she said not the vegetable medley, because that would be a "mushy" side that would conflict with the crisp, roasted vegies and chicken thighs. So we agreed to do broccoli, which she said would cook along w/ the other things - just put them on the outside of the baking sheet to keep them further from the juices as the chicken roasted (so they would stay crisp). Unfortunately, my baking sheet wasn't large enough for the chicken, the original vegies, and the broccoli/cauliflower (I had missed that it was a broccoli/cauliflower mix, not just broccoli), so I asked Gemini if I should just cook that in the microwave.

Some AI-titude!

Gemini immediately replied, in bold: "Please, do not microwave it!" Followed by "You are putting all this effort into glazing the chicken and roasting peppers—microwaving that frozen mix will turn it into a watery, sulfur-smelling pile of mush that will clash with your nice crispy chicken." A little AI-titude, GeminAI? :) We agreed that I would roast the broccoli/cauliflower mix on a separate, smaller baking sheet, tossed in oil, salt, and pepper.

I also added some "Japanese seasoning" to the chicken (don't recall whether I did the original veggies), it was a garlic/ginger/soy (?) seasoning. While that was roasting, I took the leftover marinade, along with a little of the pineapple juice, and boiled it for five to ten minutes in a small saucepan, allowing it to 1) kill any bacteria through the boiling; and 2) thicken up (Gemini had suggested using cornstarch to help thicken it, but I didn't do that; instead, I just boiled it longer, figuring that would help ensure any bacteria was killed off). She did say to watch it carefully, as the honey in the marinade can easily burn (and it may also boil over easily, too). When the fifteen minutes had elapsed, I opened the oven, and wasn't quite sure if the chicken was ready to glaze, so I opened up Gemini in video mode (like they do in the Pixel commercials) and asked her thoughts. She said maybe give it another five minutes, so I did.

After the extra five minutes, we checked again, and it looked good, so we went ahead and brushed the glaze on the thighs, and kept the remainder to add to the final serving (over rice), and cooked it another ten minutes. At that point, it seemed good, and my wife was on her way home (the rice had been done for a bit, in the rice cooker, fluffed and sitting on the "keep warm" setting), so I asked Gemini if I could just turn the oven off and leave the chicken & veggies in there to keep them warm, and she said that was a perfectly acceptable plan.

When my wife arrived, we plated up the chicken thighs and veggies over the rice (well, the broccoli and cauliflower was to the side), and it was... DELICIOUS! Even forgetting to add the extra glaze/sauce over the rice and chicken (I did add that when I got seconds). 

All in all, a very enjoyable meal, and the kitchen still smelled good the next day, too! It was just as enjoyable reheated (not quite as crispy, as I didn't ask Gemini's thoughts and just went with the microwave instead of the air fryer to reheat it). And Gemini was a very helpful assistant chef (maybe kitchen manager?) as we were preparing and cooking dinner. Just gotta watch that AI-titude! haha